


Liar Liar

by mific



Category: MythBusters RPF
Genre: Community: kink_bingo, Dialogue-Only, Electricity, Fanfiction, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-27
Updated: 2010-09-27
Packaged: 2017-10-12 06:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/121613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mific/pseuds/mific
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Everything's sci-fi. Until it isn't." I had to tick the non-con warning, but it's not heavily so. Plus, humor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Liar Liar

**Author's Note:**

> For the "Electricity" square of my kink_bingo card. RPF with married actors is tricky. For the purposes of this fic, it's an AU where neither of them is married.

 

"Whatcha doing?"

"Don't crowd me. You always crowd me."

"Hey, whoa, backing off now. Sitting on hands: you're totally safe, dude, no 'bad touching' will occur."

"That's what they say to kids about reporting sexual abuse. I'm not a kid."

"Yeah, it was a joke, Hyneman, you recall the concept? 'A humorous remark intended to provoke laughter'. Jeez. What're you doing there, anyway?"

"Working. Finishing soldering this circuit board for the controller."

"Controller for what?"

"Something I've been working on. A perfect lie detector."

"Like that show we did? Just because Grant and Tori and Kari couldn't beat that polygraph doesn't mean it was a _perfect_ lie detector, Jamie. Some psychopath's bound to have beaten the system somewhere down the line."

"Yeah, so we never busted the myth that lie detectors can be fooled. We said it was 'plausible' that someone somewhere could beat it. But we didn't prove it."

"Well, no. Problem is, you're not gonna be able to prove that any lie detector's _perfect_. I mean, we could have a bunch of people try to beat it and film all of them failing, but that still wouldn't mean that another person couldn't come along five minutes later and totally fool the goddam machine. It's like, science, man, the scientific method. You can only _prove_ things _aren't_ the case, not that they _are_. You know, like old Einstein said: 'A zillion experiments can never prove me right, one experiment can prove me wrong'."

"He said: 'No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong.'"

"Yeah, what I said."

"No, you said-"

"Okay, whatever. Man, you're really perfectionistic today. So how's it work?"

"Like a normal polygraph. Only better."

"So, what, it detects changes in skin electricity, from autonomic reactions like sweating that people can't control when they lie? And heart rate and blood pressure?"

"Yeah, but just the skin. Don't need the other stuff."

"And that's better that the usual lie detectors how?"

"I'm getting more data. The ordinary ones just use fingers."

"And you're gonna use?"

"A lie detector suit."

>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Wow, this is pretty cool, it's all metallic and shimmery. Do I look like a spaceman? I think I look like a spaceman. Or a superhero. It's kinda like a wetsuit, but with socks and gloves. I'm glad it doesn't cover my head, that'd be too much. So this stuff is made of some new conductive material? How'd you hear about it?"

"Googled it. It's a spin-off from smart fabrics."

"Smart fabrics? What, smart like a dashing pin-stripe?"

"Smart as in intelligent. Able to alter their thickness, keep you warm. Computerised patterns and stuff."

"That's just sci-fi, isn't it?"

"Everything's sci-fi. Until it isn't."

"Uh-huh. Remind me again why I'm the crash-test dummy trying this out for you?"

"I can't lie."

"Really? You never lied? Not to your folks as a kid, or to some girl?"

"No. My brain doesn't work that way. Stop fidgeting."

"You sure I needed to get undressed? Feels kinda weird in here, I'm sure I could at least have left my goddam shorts on. Hey - if it's a smart fabric, can you make it keep me warm?"

"It's not that sort of smart fabric. You have to be undressed because I need as much skin contact as possible."

"Jamie! I didn't know you cared!"

"Shut up, Savage. I need it for the lie detector to work."

"Dude, you're no fun. Can I sit down?"

"Yeah, I guess. Mind the power cable."

"So how's this gonna work? You ask me questions and I try to lie? Or not. You know, real polygraphs work 'cause those interrogator dudes are way tricky, right? I mean, three hours of testing, come on.........we're not gonna do three hours of testing, are we?"

"No, not tonight. Yeah, I'm gonna ask you questions."

"Okay, so fire away. Oh, wait, how're you gonna know if I'm lying or telling the truth?"

"I'll know."

"It's cool that you've got faith in this thing, Jamie, but it's not exactly scientific. Don't you have to at least entertain the possibility of the results not going as you expect?"

"No."

"Whatever. Ask away, then."

"Is your date of birth July 15th 1967?"

"You know it is."

"Yes or No."

"Yes. Jesus, Jamie, pick up the pace willya?"

"Were you born in New York?"

" _Yes_. Yawn."

"Just answer the questions."

"Jawohl, mein führer."

"Don't call me that. Are you phobic about spiders?"

"...Yes. But that might come out as a lie because just thinking about them makes me sweat."

"I'm calibrating. Going to crank up the gain, now."

"Yeah, okay. Oh wow, I think I can feel something. Am I _supposed_ to be able to feel something? Jamie? You sure you wired it up right?"

"Do you have sex with guys?"

"What? Is that a trick question? You still calibrating?"

"Yes or No."

"...No. Jamie, I can definitely feel something. Are you messing with the inputs to this thing? It's kind of tingling. Like, all over. Tingling all over."

"Do you _want_ to have sex with guys?"

"What _is_ this, some kind of Kinsey Questionnaire? And turn down the damn gain or whatever it is you're playing with. It's like being tickled all over. Hey! I said turn it down, man, not up!"

"Yes or No."

"Jesus...No..."

"The suit disagrees."

"Fuck the suit...Jamie..."

"Do you want to have sex with guys?"

"I, maybe...Jeez, I...yes, sometimes...Jamie, willya...willya turn it...fuck...it's making me...oh, man ..."

"Do you want to have sex with _me_?"

"Yeah, yeah...you bastard...right after I...kick your..."

"Do you want to have sex with me now?"

"Yeah...I...please...please, Jamie..."

"Do you want me to touch you?"

"Fuck, yes...yeah...like that...harder..."

"Does it feel good through the suit?"

"Yes...please...don't stop...feels so good..."

"Do you want to come?"

"Yeah, yeah I...oh fuck...ngghh...unnhh... _Jamie_."

>>>>>>>>>>>>

"It's _not_ a goddam lie detector, is it?"

"Nope."

"You lied to me."

"Yep."

"About not being able to lie, as well."

"Yep."

"Whoa, paradigm shift. Okay, I'm rolling with it. You're actually a Sith Lord, aren't you?"

"Yep."

"I got come in your suit."

"Clean up or die."

"Clean it yourself, Darth."

>>>>>>>>>>>>

 


End file.
